emotional healing

Assuming I belong

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There is always a part of me that feels I don’t belong. It doesn’t matter who I’m with — family or not, loving or not, accepting or not. The thought is persistent and irrational, a quiet but insistent whisper that lives somewhere in my mind.

I recognise it immediately when it appears. My heart sinks into the hollow between my breasts, my breath becomes shallow, and my body stiffens, then numbs. These physical signals are familiar to me. Inevitably, I feel disconnected from my surroundings, as though I’ve slipped into a psychological tunnel, far away from the people beside me — even when our shoulders are touching.

I know this thought, and the way my body responds to it, is unproductive and, frankly, toxic.

Yesterday, a friend invited me to a Sunday indoor spa afternoon with a group of women. My first instinct was to decline. Instead, I paused. I questioned the messages running through my mind — and the stories my eyes were already telling me.

I questioned my inner voice.

What if I do belong?
What if I simply assumed I belonged?

And then another thought followed: what if belonging requires nothing more than assumption? What if, in that assumption, my heart relaxed — and in relaxing, expanded outward? How differently would I experience my reality then?

So I assumed. And then I assumed some more. I even began to enjoy rewriting the evening in my mind, deciding — deliberately — that these women enjoyed and valued my company too.

There were five of us. We met at four in the afternoon. There was small talk, cheese platters, fruit, cake, soft drinks, and later coffee. We talked and laughed and shared stories until ten that night. Somewhere along the way, a warm, gentle bubble formed around us — and I was inside it.

We laughed freely. We ate without counting calories or weighing ourselves down with judgment. We were simply present.

I think when the whispers return — and they will — I won’t try to silence them. Instead, I’ll choose to assume a different truth. One that serves me.

I belong wherever I assume I belong.

And it is a delicious feeling.

~ Evgenia Pimżin

The Difference Between Wounded Mothering and Healed Mothering

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It has taken me, entering my autumn years, to understand that mothering from a healed self versus a wounded self is a completely different mindset at every level.

I remember being a young mother, determined – absolutely determined – not to make the same mistakes my own mother made. But while I was running away from my inheritance, I had no idea what I was running towards. My compass was broken. All I knew was what I did not want. This is not a reliable intention. It is like driving a car with the destination labelled: “I don’t want to get lost. I just want a safe journey.”

So I read hundreds of books on parenting, absorbing every new theory on babies, children, and teenagers. I read and read and read.

But with maturity – and hindsight – I now see that knowledge without a healed self means parenting from fear.
And fear squeezes out love.

Parenting from a wounded self meant that I parented technically – filtering my mothering through everything I had read rather than through connection, intuition, presence, and the unique soul of each child. One size does not fit all.

And although I did not repeat my parents’ mistakes, I made new ones, because I was not mothering from a healed self.

Healing required me to reparent myself – to listen to the parts of me that needed a voice, needed witnessing, needed validation, needed space to process and soften. Only then could I access the true depth of love for my children, because only then had I loved all the pieces of the child I once was.

By that stage, my children were adults.

So I know I missed entire chapters of parenting from a position of love. A healed mother understands instinctively the protectiveness of the lioness, the roar of the bear, the flight of the eagle, and the quiet beauty of sheltering her chicks beneath her wings.

My children were my greatest teachers. That is their gift to me.
And it is both my greatest accomplishment – and my greatest grief – that I became the mother they needed in my autumn years.

~ Evgenia Pimżin

Learning To Love From a Place of Power

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Love is one of the most difficult and complex states to master because it is an emotion, an action, and a choice.

For me, it was especially challenging to learn how to operate from a position of love. I did not grow up in a loving environment, and the only “template” I had was fawning – the behaviour that once kept me safe because it earned attention. My now-husband was the first to show me that this was not love. It was a defence response. When he gently asked me to stop, I felt exposed and even defensive. Yet he preferred that real version of me – the version I was not acquainted with yet.

His manner of relating forced me to dig deep, to develop the skills I had never been taught, to make conscious choices that built trust and intimacy rather than fear and appeasement.

It took me a very long time – decades – to learn how to come from love when interacting, how to stay in love in daily life, and how to return to love regardless of my moods or the chaos within me. Through that process, I met all the parts of myself: my insecurities, my false beliefs, my internal map, my fragile sense of self, my lack of boundaries, and my fear of stepping into my own power.

I kept myself small. I was nice to everyone, even when they treated me poorly. I feared the word “no,” both saying it and hearing it. And deep inside, I wanted my husband to be my knight in shining armour.

But my husband – a strong, grounded alpha male – believed that my life was mine to lead. He saw no point in managing my daily choices or defending me at every turn. That, he believed, was my job. And so, he loved me steadfastly while I learned to build a life where I was in charge: my boundaries, my decisions, my voice, my self-respect.

This was his love in action – quiet, constant, unwavering. He made sure I was never in need and that I felt protected as the woman he honoured and built a life with.

Meanwhile, I was on a long learning curve: how to return to love again and again, how to reveal myself slowly, how to let others reveal themselves in turn, how to give love without emptying myself, and how to receive it without shrinking.

And then, one day, something in me went AHA. A whole new world opened. Suddenly I was the main actor in my own life, surrounded by people who aligned with who I was becoming. I saw how bountiful life truly is – and I was overwhelmed that I had lived so long without seeing it.

I now know that coming from a position of love makes me feel rich, powerful, and grounded – because love has always been the foundation of life.

Now, I return to love as my home base. It is a daily discipline, yes, but also a choice — because, in truth, it is where I feel safest and most alive.

~ Evgenia Pimżin

When Sadness Comes To Visit

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Dear Child,

as adult as you feel, remember :

Sometimes, you will feel sad and know why.
Other times, you will feel sad and have no idea why.
Sit with the sadness, as you do with joy.
Let it speak to you.

You see – they are both on the same road.
Only one feels lost and is asking for direction.
The other waits patiently, beckoning the lost one to join.

Sadness reveals where you are not.
It points toward where you need to go.
But you cannot travel forward
until you treat every emotion as a friend.

Let each reveal its delicacy, its winding ways, its truth.
Become familiar with the music of sadness –
breathe in its heavy sighs.

If you do not know what to do,
trust this: you are simply being asked to turn
in the opposite direction –
toward possibility, toward choice.

And in time, this too will pass.
Nothing stays the same once you move.
Because it was only a street —
not your permanent address.

Name it.
Move.
Let it go.

You were only visiting.
Now, it’s time to go.

All my love,

~ Evgenia Pimżin

When the Past Won’t Apologize

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Dear child,

As adult as you feel, remember :

Let me be the one to tell you, life is not fair.

You did not deserve to be treated cruelly.
You deserved respect and dignity.
You deserved to feel safe and secure.
You are owed an apology.

But you did not get it.
And so, what are you going to do now?
Look to the past?
Struggle to be present?
Miss out on creating a future?

That is a waste of your precious time.

You need time to heal – I hear you say.
This is wise.

Focus on your healing, not the past.
Distract your mind by focusing on the now.

See that flower? describe it to your mind.
Watch your mind follow your lead.

Show it a passing bird.
Listen for its music.
Look for a stunning tree.
Touch its leaves.
Let your hand trace its bark.
Close your eyes and feel
its patterns under your palm.

Dig deep to show your mind
what you want it to notice.
Practice this daily –
like a muscle in training.

Yes, you will still have your pity parties.
That’s fine. Just time them.
Don’t live there.

Take the reins in your own hands –
and start to ride.

All my love,

~ Evgenia Pimżin

The Peace that Belongs to You

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Forgiving isn’t excusing.

It is uncoupling yourself from the person or event that keeps pulling you backward.
You don’t forgive because they deserve peace.
You forgive because you do.

You can still have boundaries.
You can still remember what happened.
But you stop offering your inner life as a battleground for someone else’s choices.

~ Evgenia Pimżin

Grieve instead of Hate

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Dear Child,

as grown as you are, remember –

It is not wrong to hate. It is human.
You were pained, betrayed, treated unjustly. The feeling itself is not the sin — it is the signal. It tells you that something sacred was violated. But if you let that hatred take root for too long, it becomes your captor, not your protector.

Those walls you built around your heart may have kept the pain out, but they have also kept you in. You mistake protection for peace, silence for strength, and the weight of your armour for safety. Without realising it, you begin living inside the very cage that hatred built.

Ask yourself gently — who is hurting you now? Who is betraying you now? The wound was theirs to give, but the keeping of it has become yours. The battle ended long ago, yet you still wake as if the war never stopped.

Grieve instead of hate. Let the sorrow move through you until it softens. It was never hatred that filled your heart – only the feelings you locked away. Set them free, and keep only the wisdom.

Life is not a battleground, my dear one. It is a classroom for the soul, where even the hardest lessons eventually reveal themselves as disguised forms of grace.

Step out of the cage. The sky still remembers how to hold you.
And when you rise, you will remember how to be free.

All my love,
~ Evgenia Pimżin

Align Yourself with Your Rhythm

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Dear Child,

as grown as you are, remember –

You are not running late in your own life.

The world may try to convince you that you should be somewhere else by now – more accomplished, more certain, more defined – but the truth is, you are exactly where your soul needs you to be.

Life is not a race; it is a rhythm, and yours moves to a quieter tempo that cannot be rushed.

There are seasons that bloom loudly, with visible progress and recognition, and others that unfold in stillness, where growth happens silently beneath the surface.

Do not mistake stillness for failure or slowness for loss. The roots that deepen in silence are the ones that hold strongest when the winds of life arrive. Some of your greatest transformations will happen unseen, and that does not make them any less real.

When envy or impatience creeps in, breathe and ask yourself whose pace you are trying to match. Whose race are you running?

The world will measure your worth by speed, success, and applause, but your soul knows better. It measures in truth, in integrity, and in the quiet moments when you choose not to give up on yourself.

You can begin again at any hour, in any year, with whatever pieces remain in your hands. Readiness is not a prerequisite for growth – courage is.

The moment you stop waiting for certainty, life begins to unfold around you. Trust that your rhythm is not a delay; it is alignment in disguise.

You do not need to chase what is meant for you. The right opportunities, the right people, the right moments, the right callings – will always recognise your peace and find you when you are ready to receive them.

So, rest in that truth. Keep moving forward, keep creating your life.

Live by your time. Move gently. Your life is not behind; it is becoming, in its own perfect way.

All my love,
— Evgenia Pimżin

Rooted in Worth

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Dear Child,
as grown as you are, remember —

There will be times when your kindness feels misplaced in a world that rewards sharpness and celebrates noise. You will look around and wonder why cruelty seems to win, why indifference rises faster than grace. You may even question whether your gentleness belongs here at all.

But I want you to understand this: your softness was never weakness. It was the language of your soul trying to stay intact in a world that had forgotten its own. You were never meant to match its pace or mirror its values. You were meant to remain rooted in your worth – unshaken, steady, and quietly radiant.

The world will hand out prizes for appearances, popularity, and performance. Let them. Those prizes fade as quickly as they’re received, etched only in memory and shallow time. Your reward lies elsewhere – in how deeply you’ve touched life with your warmth, in the peace that follows you when your words align with your heart.

So stop measuring yourself by the applause of others. The day you understand that your worth was never tied to their approval is the day you step into your full soul. You were not born to win the world; you were born to understand it, to navigate through it with discernment and compassion – and to protect the part of you that still feels deeply.

Never trade your tenderness for acceptance. Never shrink to fit into smaller hearts. You are not here to compete for admiration, but to contribute presence, truth, and quiet strength.

Stay rooted in that knowing, dear one. It will carry you further than any prize the world could offer.

All my love,
~ Evgenia Pimżin

Let Go Of Worn Out Memories

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Dear Child,

as adult as you feel, remember:

Come sit by me and

rest in my love.

Know you are not alone.

Your experiences are part of the human journey

that is what makes it tragic,

jaded

and so very predictable.

Those memories – the ones that defined you for so long,

that shaped your choices,

your perceptions of self –

you misinterpreted them.

You accepted the lie instead of the truth.

You are precious. You always were.

You are loved. You always have been.

You are strong. You know it.

You are beautiful. You’ve always shone.

So, as we sit together,

take your beliefs in your hand.

Refine them.

See them through the eyes of insight.

You forgot to weight your memories,

against the health of the other –

their emotional, mental, spiritual state.

Unless you factor that in,

your memories lies.

So, let go of those worn-out memories

with truth and an eagle’s gaze.

Rise above the human noise,

see the lesson, the growth,

the quiet expansion of your being.

I am here – always.

Come, sit by me, dear child,

and let go.

Give yourself permission, to live the life

you have always deserved.

All my love,

~ Evgenia Pimżin

Starting Again From a Clean Slate

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Living long enough to make sense of the twists and turns my life has taken has been a strange privilege –
a balm made of time, ache, and a clarity I did not have in my youth.
Although I did not always feel this way.

It took hindsight and a steadier mind to see that the first twenty years of my life were lived under the banner of my parents.
Like most dependants, I followed their rules, their shadows, their expectations.

But the math from there did not add up.

Somewhere along the line, I realised I could not blame the first twenty years for the next ten, twenty, thirty, forty.
At some point, adulthood stops being an inheritance and becomes a choice.

Stepping into this truth shifted the entire trajectory of my life.
I could take off beliefs, standards, viewpoints, generational wounds –
every vestige of their being –
simply by refusing to wear them anymore.

But I wasted over two decades before I understood this.

We are all powerful beings, far more than we dare to believe when we are tangled in the wrong stories.
We cling to narratives handed to us by family, culture, trauma, duty, guilt, habit –
and we forget that we were not born to carry every burden placed in our arms.

There comes a moment – quiet, startling, unmistakable –
when you see the life you are living
and the life that is calling
are not the same thing.

And you begin again.
Not by erasing the past,
but by refusing to allow it to dictate the future.

Starting again is not an act of rebellion.
It is an act of devotion –
to your soul, your peace, your precious wild and current life.

I am still learning this.
Still unclenching.
Still discovering the parts of myself that were waiting beneath all the noise.

But each time I begin again,
I feel the deep relief of coming home
to the person I was always meant to be.

~ Evgenia Pimżin

For the Years Ahead of You

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Dear child,
as adult as you feel, remember this:

you do not know it yet,
not in this present moment.

So, I tell you early –
while you are still young
and tender in your naivety.

Enjoy your beauty,
but honour your mind, heart, and soul more.
Guard them like gold, silver, and bronze.
Value them beyond the purest diamonds,
for your mind, heart, and soul
will walk with you
until the very end of time.

And there –
that is where true beauty lives.
It ripens the heart with kindness,
sharpens discernment,
softens the eyes with age and wisdom.

A heart that leans on beauty alone
grows brittle and shallow.
A soul held hostage
by time and appearance
forgets how to live.

And if you miss that calling,
you miss the marrow of life itself.
You will only exist
within the walls you build around yourself –
the desperation to stay relevant
keeping your body moving,
your heart pumping,
but nothing more.

So, beloved,
embrace what stays
forever yours.

All my love,

~ Evgenia Pimżin

On Forgiveness

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Dear Child,

as adult as you are, remember,

Forgiveness does not always feel like freedom.
Nor does it feel just or fair.
Sometimes it roars, “Why should I?”

Because forgiveness means weighing it
against grief, loss, betrayal, neglect, and abuse.
It means letting go of the justice you deserved
and choosing to live on your own terms —
to finally cut the umbilical cord
between you and them.

And as days, weeks, and years pass,
the hollow space around your heart begins to lighten.
You’ll remember that forgiveness was never about excusing them;
it was about unburdening you —
letting you rise again.

It is letting your peace have the final word
they never deserved.

Because it was never about them.

All my love,

~ Evgenia Pimżin

When You Find Yourself Zagging

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Dear Child,

as grown as you are, remember –

Sometimes, when everybody is zigging

You may feel you are zagging

Your softness, kindness may feel out of place

In a world that chases the appearances of the prize

Above humanity’s human touch.

Stop questioning your worth.

Based on the shallow values

that the world promotes.

The prizes are eventually forgotten

etched only in memory and in an ancient time.

The day you realize your worth,

had nothing to do with the world

but how touched life in its warmth,

and it was the language of your core

is the day you step into your soul.

So, stop chasing the wind.

You were not meant to fit neatly

into the world’s shape.

Nor the barrenness

Of its core.

See, dear one,

You job was to learn the skill

to navigate your soul.

To protect it

And never let them go.

All my love,

~ Evgenia Pimżin